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Ye Olde Cock & Bull ~ Adventures Behind a Strip Mall ~ WELCOME!
(11-08-2018, 11:29 AM)Angry Red Man Wrote:
(11-08-2018, 11:24 AM)DaJavoo Wrote:
(11-08-2018, 11:18 AM)Angry Red Man Wrote: So update time.

I'm getting a better handle on how my ring and pinkie fingers are going to work in this 'new normal' state.

I'm almost back to 30wpm now based on the online typing tests. https://onlinetyping.org/

That's down by about half of what it was pre-injury (ave 58wpm), but it's better than it was a month ago. I'm still showing signs of improvement as well so I'm hoping to hit at least 45wpm before leveling off. I'd prefer 50ish.

The headaches are down as well. Not as many and not as serious as things settle into place. Still not good but hopefully I'll taper off to near the old normal. We'll see what happens.

Encouraging news, @Angry Red Man  ~ small steps are steps, none the less!   Cheer

Tonto has perked up a great deal since you've knocked the cobwebs of the Crapshack Covfefe Pot.

He and Java have been busy settin' up the perimeter ~ might wanna' inspect and redirect before you zoom in with your Boom Buggy.

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Good advice.

Where did they get squirrel sized bear traps? Ankle catchers? Toe biters?

And I seem to be missing a dozen claymores.  Scratchinghead

I'll need to do a check on the rest of the inventory and maybe take a mosey around the perimeter.  Facepalm

*Though sneezing and sniffling, with chills getting the better of him, he's grateful for the full-sized, formal squirrel outfit.  The top hat and monocle help distract quite nicely from the quiet sneezing between sips of warm tea.  It's unavoidable, but he will need to wipe off the interior of the squirrel helmet, but at least its in-built filtration system is deftly keeping sneeze particles trapped within nano-fiber, walnut-thread filters. His cold will be a nuisance only for him, no other.

Still, it was little comfort since it didn't alleviate the building frustration as he sips and stares down an agitated, flighty squirrel dressed in an Army General's coat with a thick walnut helmet labeled "Big G" in Squirrelian, adorned in numerous bottle cap stars that had been carefully cut out and painted in bright, metallic tones.

Quietly, the giant squirrel continued taking from a polished ceramic cup with gold filigree, as the tiny General continues ranting in squeaks and high-pitched clicks, it's tail flicking wildly in all directions.  After a scare moment of silence, he quickly, though politely, interrupts the General with a comment.

"If you had them extracted, return them.  You don't need the claymores," taking a false sip only to gauge a reaction. Quickly, the General only puffed out its chest in defiance, tail waving like an active bonfire reaching for the sky with tight flicks and slashes.  He continued speaking, "They are allies, we leave their weapon cache alone, they leave ours. If they need something, we WILL," emphasis on the word, "comply with the request.  Return anything you may have taken AND give them the blue print of the Mark II Catrebuchet."

At this, the General went ballistic, jumping and squeaking loudly, protesting in a most violent fashion as he tore his helmet off furry ears and raged against the air with minuscule, balled fists.  After a few moments, the giant squirrel raised a costume paw, forcing a small break in the diatribe.  After a another small, yet necessary, sip, he continued issuing an explanation, "The Kruegers are expert engines of mass destruction, and damn fine cooks, I might add.  The agreement is final.  No explosives around their weapon's cache. We don't want another 'upside down cake' fiasco."

Clapping its tiny helmet back on, General only stared upward, anger in its diminutive eyes as it was winding up for another rant. But before it could unleash with its uncensored litany of rodent curses, the giant squirrel continued.  "Furthermore, not like you don't have the Mark V Catrebuchet in mass production, finally."  A giant, furry paw pointed outside the bar, highlighting an area of the woods occupied by a 17 foot tall, steel-and-titanium high-velocity catapult being worked on diligently by kittens in hard hats.

"And, its the Admiral's call, and he's already signed off on it."  The General's view snapped off to the side, small daggers emerging from his eyes as he stared back angrily a few feet away at another squirrel sitting partially in a cup of coffee, busily dunking a sprinkled doughnut into the dark liquid, contentedly munching away. As it floated upon the opaque surface, supported by a miniature floating ring, it sported a rather large paper-boat on it's head as a symbol of Navy authority. Refusing to put down the doughnut, it just nodded a simple "yes," confirming the fact as it kept on chewing.  Strangely enough, another squirrel dressed in a painter's smock and cap, sitting before a painter's easel, was doing the Admiral's portrait.

A pink squash sitting in a pool of soda.  

"So," remarked the giant squirrel, "you'll return, IF you've got them, the missing ordinance and provide the Mark II Catrebuchet plans for their use, if they wish. Keep supplying the other items, like bear traps and ankle biters. They're pretty good at tactical terrain warfare."

In protest, the General chunked its helmet at the Admiral, loudly squeaking and pointing at the leisurely resting squirrel.

"Because, they designed the Catrubechet. They may be water-based militia, but they aren't stupid. His call."

The Admiral silently nodded, munching away on an unusually large sprinkle.

"Or, -SHE- might hear about Cabo Wabo, General, and the chinchilla sis-..."

Suddenly, the General stood in rank, faithfully squeaking out the orders of returning any missing equipment and providing blue prints for the requested squirrel tech. He began slightly trembling in place, eyes off to the side.

As the Admiral munched away, not missing a morsel, the Painter turned her eyes towards the General, a cloud of "Oooh, Nelly" building in her bright eyes.  Suddenly, war seemed much closer to home than moments ago.

The giant squirrel only sniffled, quiet sneezing as he emptied the last of his tea. "Good chat. Gonna get some rest."  With that, he rose from the bar stool, lazily heading for the door as the General shook in place, eyes glued to the nearest escape point as Painter reached for her heaviest paint brush...

Chuckle Actually do have a cold, but they promise to behave.
Angry Red Man, chancyspook, DaJavoo  likes this!
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Good news on the claymores then.

Now I have to jump on my boys about another matter.

Several pounds of another matter to be precise.

The Grumpy Geezer's Signature Surprise.
Stay tuned to this Grump Channel as new programming will be added irregularly.

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(11-08-2018, 09:36 AM)DaJavoo Wrote: For C&B Insiders...
It wasn’t just about protecting Clinton. It was also about protecting themselves.

Always about "lookin' out for Number One!"



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<Daj whistles sharply and Kilty, Woobly, Dubby and Poppy come runnin'...>

"Kilty, You lead the way on this expedition."[Image: TtLqEEa.png] "Yessir, Mr. Boss."

"We're gonna have a party this afternoon and prepare for the upcoming goblin massacre."

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"Woobly & Dubby, ya'll scoot around and tell all those squirrels washin' in the coffee that we have the frog pond up behind the camper, and the little boat ya'll built.  And, do get the wee sailor uniforms Miss @Fritzy Ritz had made for ya'll during Fleet Week ~ you know, the ones Miss Roxi shrank in the dryer.  Yes, Woobly, even the one with the gold braid."  (Woobly and Dubby look down, scuffin' toes in the dirt.)

"It's not the end of the world.  It's an alliance.  Get all the cammies out for the lads...and the boots & helmets.  Dinna fergit the boots.  Leave yer bowlin' shoes neatly lined up under the camper.  Bring out all yer gear, too."

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"Poppy, fire up that popcorn maker of yours.  Yes, Java will help you while the pizza is bakin'.  Share with all your new friends.  Yes, even the kitteh carpenters down in the field.  Everybuddy can have ONE can of soda.  Java will fetch that from Miss Avani down at the 7-11."

"Lads ~ before you get started,  I know each of you well remember the arse blisterin's everybuddy got from @Angry Red Man the last time there was PB&J fingerprints left in his weapons cache.  And I know NONE of YOU would ever dream of filchin' any boom-booms, ever, ever again.  While ya'll and your new friends are eatin' pizza and popcorn, tell them whatcha' remember from the last goblin hunt.  Yes, Tiny will be here tonite.  Tell them about the rules.  Then, tell them again."

"Your furry new friends will show you plans for their trebuchet.  Please, try to act impressed.  It's a big deal for them.  Please, do not start bragging about the couillard or the bricole.  It's not nice to be show-offs.  These squirrels do not know much about Krugers and it's nice for ya'll to have some new friends and develop your social skills.  So, please, oou and aah appropriately.  Be gracious hosts."

"Now run, and see if the other lads are through with their chores down at the farm.  Let's have a party!"

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"Java, please take the cough medicine over to @The Order of Chaos  in the squirrel suit ~ he's incognito, tryin' to keep germs away.  This should kill all the germs.  Thank you, Java."
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(11-08-2018, 04:13 PM)Angry Red Man Wrote: Good news on the claymores then.

Now I have to jump on my boys about another matter.

Several pounds of another matter to be precise.



<Daj snags Kilty mid-stride and rides him like a rented mule.>
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Jptdknpa  Jptdknpa

*The Admiral is enjoying a new dunk, maple glazed bear claw, when both a calico kitteh and squirrel, both wearing oversized lab coats, walk up to the Admiral.  The kitteh carries within its a maw a very nicely made sailor outfit with an attached message. Upon seeing the outfit, the Admiral stops nibbling, his eyes gleaming.  Tranquilly, R&D Kitteh reads the message.


Admiral puts down the bear claw carefully on an accompanying saucer and slides out of the coffee cup, patting his feet and hands on a nearby towelette. With unusual grace, he checks the sailor outfit, and approvingly nods, with a smile.  And with a pond, to boot...to the waves, ladies!

Getting ready to issue a relocation order for the Navy squirrels, he stops for a moment as the R&D duo prepares to leave.  Quick squeaks and click, he asks about any research and development equipment that may be shared.  

R&D Squirrel gathers her thoughts for a moment, then pulls out a strange walnut from her backpack.  It's colored cherry red, gold, and with an unusual sheen.  Placing it carefully upon the ground, she taps the top twice, and one half of the walnut opens forward, exposing a mechanical, whirling center.  Taking the opened device, she places it upon her head and it suddenly expands, working down her body and limbs, coating everything in a red and gold malleable armor.  

The Iron Fur!

Suddenly glitching, her arms twist and lock, and the Iron Fur tail wraps around her body like a boa, causing the synthetic material to creak and groan.  

Admiral only pinches the bridge of his nose as R&D Squirrel tries to maintain her composure. With a soft paw tap, R&D kitteh strikes the top of the walnut helm and it goes back into a reconfigured, unusually colored walnut, releasing the trapped squirrel.  She takes a deep breath and issues a grateful squeak.  

Looking to the duo, Admiral squeaks, wondering about anything that might use their small deposit of squirreltium.  Both kitteh and squirrel look in opposing directions, almost whistling innocently.  Stepping forward, Admiral's eyes pinch, and he asks again.  Neither answers, but instead continue to play with some unseen, insignificant dirt upon the countertop.  

With a stamping foot, Admiral issues the order.  What happened to their deposit of squirreltium????

Each member of the R&D duo points to the other with quick paws, squeaking and meowing over one another, and explaining something ridiculous about buttons and walnut masks.

Visibly irate, Admiral chews them both out with his own litany of rodent curses, learned from his brother in arms, General.

To paraphrase, "You two numb-nuts took an indestructible, inflexible nut fiber and made both oversized buttons for a gigantic ball of yarn and walnut masks to scare each other with?!"


Admiral didn't care if a 5-and-a-half-ton ball of yarn needed a more robust button to hold its structural integrity together!  With a huff, he turned off to the side, lost deep in thought. Then the idea struck as a smile gently appeared on his toothy grin.  Holding out his paws, he requested a copy of each from the intellectual duo.  They reluctantly complied, each handing him a large, shiny oval shaped button and a walnut half, also metallic, already adorned with eye holes.  Carefully, he placed each to his own face and realized that fit...

Krueger's with indestructible, shiny masks resistant to cuts, fire, impacts, acids and explosive walnut pies...this could work.  


Only ten of each, hm? Admiral issued the order. Send them to the allies, they'll make greater use of this type of armor.  R&D Kitteh was about to protest on behalf of the gigantic ball of yarn, but one quick glare from Admiral put any thoughts of protest on the back burner.  

Also, Admiral considered for a moment, and instructed R&D Squirrel send a sample of the experimental white lighting they've been fermenting from hyper-accelerated hazel nuts.  Might as well damn the torpedoes and full squirrel ahead!


In the far corner of the pub, calmly wrapped up in a thick blanket and shaking like a leaf, the giant squirrel takes a sip of the "cough medicine" and coughs rather violently. Good taste! Pouring some into his tea, and carefully sipping, he sits back and he tries sweating out the chills...*

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[Image: 0yPm1bH.jpg] <Giggle...facemasks?  No, thank you, we're all good.>

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PIZZA is Ready!!!

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<Daj pops a cool one...>

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<Looking across the Campground, down to the meadow, a cheery campfire flickers and glows ~ shadows of animated Krugers, a strutting squirrel in an Admiral's bicorn, and yet another with a swagger stick cast looming shadows far into the treeline.  Ranks of furry troops timidly nibble popcorn while curious kittehs with slide rules and compass disassemble slices of pizza.  The belches of sodas disturb the tranquil chirps and croaks of the pond.>

[Image: cbcavetroll350.png]

<Ah...the reassuring thuds and ground shuddering reverberations bring a smile as the long lost son of the C&B returns from the wilds of Alaska for a weekend Goblin Hunt.  All is well.>

[Image: EcAQxTk.png]

<And, he brought his wee lass Boopkie!>
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*Feeling the reverberating thud of the hammer, and accompanying massive steps of the huge cave troll, the squirrels are eerily silent...

Then they cheer as the kittehs meow in unison. Quickly, the R&D Kitteh and his research department drag out their new 250-lb titanium re-enforced flail with a ball of yarn head. A titanium thread ball of yarn with built-in knitting needle spikes.

They had no one big enough to wield. Till now!

So they quietly offer the weapon, purring happily, to the Cave Troll.

Whether used or not, they are happy they can contribute...*
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(11-08-2018, 09:16 PM)The Order of Chaos Wrote: *Feeling the reverberating thud of the hammer, and accompanying massive steps of the huge cave troll, the squirrels are eerily silent...

Then they cheer as the kittehs meow in unison.  Quickly, the R&D Kitteh and his research department bring drag out their new 250-lb titanium re-enforced flail with a ball of yarn head.  A titanium thread ball of yarn with built-in knitting needle spikes.  

They had no one big enough to wield. Till now!

So they quietly offer the weapon, purring happily, to the Cave Troll.

Whether used or not, they are happy they can contribute...*

<Krugers run to Tiny and Boopkie and hug every available inch of them.  Tiny laffs and mumbles incoherently (Daj detects a new hint of Squatch slang/accent mixed up in the gurgles, grunts and groans that typically pass for cave troll speech.) as he points to the pizza ~ the whole damn thing slides outta' sight down Tiny's pie hole as Boopkie sits amidst the furry troops and chatters away about Alaska moose or sumpin'.

Finally, Tiny burps and says, "Nice bowlin' ball" as he gestures towards the huge, shiny, spikey kitteh creation.>
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