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An inspirational speech about love

The general attraction attributes are as follows (Aron, et al. 1989):

Similarity: This includes similarity of people’s beliefs and, to a lesser extent, similarity of personality traits and ways of thinking.
Propinquity: This includes familiarity with the other, which can be caused by spending time together, living near each other, thinking about the other, or anticipating interaction with the other.
Desirable characteristics: This general attraction attribute is particularly focused on an outer physical appearance that is found desirable and, to a lesser extent, on desirable personality traits.

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Reciprocal liking: When the other person is attracted to you or likes you, that can increase your own liking.
Two further factors that can help explain why people fall in love involve mate selection (Aron, et al. 1989):

Social influences: A potential union that satisfies general social norms, as well as acceptance of the potential union within one’s social network, can contribute to people falling in love. By contrast, a union that does not satisfy general social norms or is not accepted by one’s social network, can result in people falling out of love.
Filling needs: If a person can fulfill needs for companionship, love, sex or mating, there is a greater chance that the other person will fall in love with him or her.
Another five factors seem to be required for the love to be truly passionate as opposed to being a kind of friendship love (Aron, et al. 1989):

Arousal/unusualness: Being in an unusual or arousing environment can spark passion, even if the environment is perceived as dangerous or spooky (Dutton & Aron, 1974).
Specific Cues: A particular feature of the other may spark particularly strong attraction (e.g., parts of their body or facial features).
Readiness: The more you want to be in a relationship, the lower your self-esteem and the more likely you are to fall in love.
Isolation: Spending time alone with another person can also contribute to a development of passion.
Mystery: If there is some mystery surrounding the other person and uncertainty about what the other person thinks or feels, wondering when he or she will initiate contact can also contribute to passion.
Aron et al. (1989) examined which of these factors are most prevalent in college students based on their descriptions of their experiences of falling in love. The researchers found that the most frequently mentioned factor preceding experiences of love was finding certain characteristics of the other person desirable, as well as reciprocity of the experienced emotions. There was a moderate frequency of descriptions mentioning the factors that spark passion (e.g., readiness, arousal/unusualness). There was a low to moderate frequency of descriptions of the other person being perceived as similar to the research participant.


Love itself is as close as human beings can come to being selfless. People will make sacrifices for love. They will make compromises. They feel connected with this other individual to the point that this individual becomes a part of them -- in the psyche, quite literally.

Romantic love, on the other hand -- what so many confuse for actual love -- is little more than an obsession. Helen Fisher, an American anthropologist and human behavior researcher focusing primarily on romantic interpersonal relationships has over 30 years of experience on the subject -- and I believe she’d agree with the distinction I’m making.

She certainly agrees with my believing that romantic love is an obsession. There’s a very interesting TED talk by her that, if you have time, I’d recommend watching.

Putting the differences between romantic love and love aside for the moment, I’d like to address that point in time when we fall in love.

What makes you fall in love? Sure, the person you are in love with is definitely the cause. But have you ever wondered how an outside force can have such an effect on you? Some believe that love is a tangible, ethereal substance and the substance linking one person to another is what makes loving a person possible.

Personally, I’ve stopped looking to fairy tales for advice a long time ago. I can’t accept that things simply "just happen," as if by magic or by a process that is incomprehensible to the human mind. If things happen, there certainly must be underlying mechanics that facilitate that happening. Love is no exception.

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There are many factors that go into the chemistry behind attraction and romantic love. A person’s physical appearance is certainly one -- human beings like symmetry as well as specific ratios between facial features. Social status is most certainly another.

A person’s background, the way he or she was raised, and his or her level of intellect also all play key roles in deciding whom you could possibly fall in love with.

However, these are not the only factors. Chemistry itself -- literally chemistry -- plays an enormous role in deciding which person you could or could not fall in love with. There are four chemicals in your brain that play the largest roles in deciding compatibility: dopamine, estrogen, serotonin and testosterone.

Dopamine is what makes reward-based behavior feel so rewarding. It’s the reason drug users get addicted to drugs. Estrogen and testosterone -- present in both men and women -- are what give us that sexual appetite.

And serotonin helps regulate your moods as well as being the neurotransmitter that allows for obsessive thinking and behavior. Of course, there are several other chemicals in the body that seem to be in hyperdrive when we find ourselves in love, but these seem to play the largest roles.

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From the research Fisher herself has so far collected, it is now believed that there are four basic personality types that decide what type(s) of person(s) you could potentially fall for.

These types are classified according to the production levels of each of the four chemicals I previously mentioned. The types are as follows:

1. Builders: cautious individuals who tend to follow traditions and value persistence.

2. Directors: analytical personalities who enjoy making decisions and have a tendency to lean toward aggression.

3. Explorers: risk takers who are impulsive and creative.

4. Negotiators: intuitive, idealistic and compassionate individuals who are more selfless than the other three types.


The 3 Stages Involved in Falling in Love
A recent study based on the topic “science behind the love” is conducted at Rutgers University located in United States, revealed there are 3 stages involved with falling in love—namely lust, attraction, and attachment.  Each stage involves different types of chemical reactions within the body (specifically the brain). Along with that, there are different hormones present in the body helping to excite all these three stages (lust, attraction, and attachment) separately as well as collectively.

Stage 1: Lust
Lust is said to be the initial stage of getting involved with love. The feel of lust is basically backed up or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body.

Oestrogen and Testosterone are the two basic types of hormones present equally in men and women’s body that excites the feeling of lust within the brain. Limbic processes in the brain in response to lust have health-promoting and stress-reducing potential. In addition, lust, love, and pleasure ensure the endurance of mankind through mating. The mating process is a discrete interrelated process initiating attraction.

Stage 2: Attraction
Second stage of acquiring love is attraction. This phase is said to be one of the beautiful moments of life.  This is the phase when a person actually starts to feel the love. His or her impatience for attracting somebody leads to excitement, and the individual is left with no other option but to only think about that specific person.  Scientifically, it has been concluded in the study that there are three more sub-stages of attraction that portray drastic changes over the individual’s personality.  The three sub-stages of attraction are adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin.


Scientists have elaborated that initial symptoms of attraction toward someone involves:

• Stress response
• Increase in adrenalin and cortisol
• Attitude reaction

It has been specified in the study that any person who falls in love will acquire a slight or drastic change in the above stated three factors.  Furthermore, attraction is one of the charming effects of life and slight changes in personality are not only natural but are also positive. For this reason, whenever you bump into your crush, your senses decline, your heart beats like a drum, and your mouth is so dry your tongue feels like sandpaper.

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To follow the theoretical research, a physical experiment was also conducted to prove the veracity of physical evidence.  The brains of a new couple struck with love were observed using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRIs). It was genuinely shocking to discover the minds of both male and female have large spikes of neurotransmitter dopamine, a chemical that stimulates the feeling of pleasure within the body.

After discovering this, scientists described both the male and female minds are equally high as if they had taken cocaine or somewhat similar drug! Dopamine is a natural stimulant providing you with ecstasy.  The couple furthermore revealed the following facts about themselves from the time they feel in love until the date they were examined:

• Surge of energy
• Observed a significant decrease in feeling hungry
• Found to have slept less compared to before falling in love
• Attention has been more focused than ever before


Last but not the least, serotonin has been found as one of the important chemicals involved for exciting the feeling of love. Serotonin basically diverts your mind and bounds you to think about your lover and nothing else. It becomes a path for the mind.  Sandra Langeslag and colleagues (2012) report serotonin levels are different in men and women when in love. The men in love had lower levels of serotonin, while the women reveal the opposite. The participants in love reported engrossing in thought about their beloved 65% of their day.

Stage 3: Attachment
When a couple passes through the above two stages of love successfully, the time of bonding with each other becomes powerful. Attachment is a bond helping the couple to take their relationship to advanced levels. It instigates the feeling of bearing children and falling in love with them wholeheartedly.

While investigating the “attachment factor,” scientists discovered two sub-stages involved. The two sub-stages are hormones in the body that attract an individual to retaining the feeling of love with his or her partner. The two hormones, namely, oxytocin and vasopressin are discussed below.

Read more...  https://examinedexistence.com/why-we-fal...e-of-love/
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Whoa ... that's taking all the fun out of it.

I just kinda follow the two-step plan: friends, first ... sweethearts later (maybe...) Wink
MALA - Make America Laugh Again
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I find it bizarre that when the word "Love" is mentioned.        
Folks automatically connect it with relationships.
Possessiveness is not Love.    
Relying on others for ones own happiness is not Love.
True Love in a relationship is a rare thing these days.
You won't have to ask if you Love someone or if they Love you.
You will just know.

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