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Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench eating two snickers. An old man sits down next to him and tells Johnny "those will rot your teeth".

Little Johnny looks at him and says my "grandpa died from the same thing" . The old man said "he died from eating Snickers" ?


Little Johnny said no " he died from not minding his own fucking business ".
Jptdknpa
(05-24-2018, 09:19 PM)Suzy Q Wrote: [ -> ]Jptdknpa

I tell a better version of this joke. But I'm lazy so you get copy paste . Chuckle


One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

Road Glide

A kid at the park informed me that smoking was bad for my health.

So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.

V6sRZf4
(05-24-2018, 09:26 PM)Road Glide Wrote: [ -> ]A kid at the park informed me that smoking was bad for my health.  

So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.

V6sRZf4

I can't remember what movie scene that was. Give me a hint .

Road Glide

(05-24-2018, 09:27 PM)FallingDown Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:26 PM)Road Glide Wrote: [ -> ]A kid at the park informed me that smoking was bad for my health.  

So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.

V6sRZf4

I can't remember what movie scene that was.  Give me a hint .

I have no idea. Was something I saw on shitbook, made me laugh so I remembered it.
(05-24-2018, 09:32 PM)Road Glide Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:27 PM)FallingDown Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:26 PM)Road Glide Wrote: [ -> ]A kid at the park informed me that smoking was bad for my health.  

So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.

V6sRZf4

I can't remember what movie scene that was.  Give me a hint .

I have no idea.  Was something I saw on shitbook, made me laugh so I remembered it.

Thanks a lot man has drive me crazy. But for some reason I'm thinking Danny Devito or Peter Falk ?
(05-24-2018, 09:44 PM)FallingDown Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:32 PM)Road Glide Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:27 PM)FallingDown Wrote: [ -> ]I can't remember what movie scene that was.  Give me a hint .

I have no idea.  Was something I saw on shitbook, made me laugh so I remembered it.

Thanks a lot man has drive me crazy. But for some reason I'm thinking Danny Devito or  Peter Falk ?

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/30706...ster-.html
[Image: 51YD1seut7L._SX336_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg]

If you have not read this..(Pick it up)
(05-25-2018, 07:32 AM)SlowLoris Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:44 PM)FallingDown Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-24-2018, 09:32 PM)Road Glide Wrote: [ -> ]I have no idea.  Was something I saw on shitbook, made me laugh so I remembered it.

Thanks a lot man has drive me crazy. But for some reason I'm thinking Danny Devito or  Peter Falk ?

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/30706...ster-.html

I had not thought of that one thanks. But I'm pretty sure the one I was thinking about was Boss Hogg from the Dukes of Hazzard .